Good evening everyone,
I have just started to write my first essay since high school. It is very intimidating to me because I do not make it a habit to write very often. I have started the journal, and it seems to help a little. I was wondering if you would please take a look at what I have written so far, and answer a few of the questions I have. I will put my questions at the bottom. I am required to write a descriptive essay about someone who has inspired me, and write about one way they have inspired me.
ESSAY: FIRST DRAFT
What does someone do to inspire you? To me, inspiration is the process of instilling faith in someone to motivate him or her to do something. Many people do things simply out of the kindness in their heart, and do not realize they are inspiring others around them.
To me, my husband Dave inspires me the most. He is a very loving and caring person. He gives me the strength in my heart to do whatever I put my mind to. He inspires me to do things by example. He inspires me most when I see how his generosity makes other people feel, and how good it makes him feel because of their reaction. From that example, it makes me want to do something so I can experience the same feeling.
Dave always inspires me to make goals for myself, chase my dreams, and to do things to help others. He volunteers whenever he can. A few of his favorites are Cub Scouts, Drug Awareness Programs, Children's Hospitals, Supporting our Veterans, Community Highway Clean-up, and Habitat for Society. He is also very dedicated to helping his country. He has been in the United States Navy for almost 20 years as a Senior Chief Builder in the Seabees. He will retire soon, but his desire to help our country and community will continue.
It was one rainy evening in particular I will never forget. We were sitting in the living room discussing his plans for a motorcycle run to raise money for the Veterans Hospital in Hampton Virginia. The TV was playing in the background, and our son was sitting at the kitchen table working on his homework. In the middle of our conversation, his cell phone rang. He stepped outside to take the call, and I went to check our son's progress with his homework. When he came back into the house, he did not say a word. He just turned the volume on the TV up, and started to watch the coverage for the upcoming hurricane.
He began to explain the phone call he had just received. It was from his boss in the military. He said if the hurricane were going to be as strong as they think it will be, he would have to leave right away to be there for the disaster recovery. This started to make me worry about what was going to happen to the motorcycle run. We had over 200 people already pre-registered, the t-shirts ordered, the food was being prepared, the permits were in hand, and the police escort had already been set up. I knew this was something Dave was passionate about, and it had to go on.
Suddenly, on August 29, Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf coast. There was severe damage mostly in the cities of Mobile, Alabama, Waveland, Biloxi/Gulfport, Mississippi, and New Orleans. At least 1,836 people lost their lives due to the severe storm surge damage. Dave was ready to go as soon as he heard the news, so he could provide help to those who lost everything.
More than 3,000 U.S. Navy Seabees from all over the United States aided in the hurricane Katrina relief efforts. Hurricane Katrina was so devastating; Dave and his crew volunteered to stay longer, and could not make it back in time for the motorcycle run for the veteran's hospital.
His passion to help his community, and our country inspired me to take over the motorcycle run. I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives just as Dave would have done. He wanted to make life a little easier not only for our veterans in the hospital, but also the people who lost everything due to the hurricane. After a lot of hard work and dedication, it was a very rewarding feeling knowing I could help that day. The motorcycle run was a huge success, and we were able to present them with a check for over five thousand dollars.
Without the inspiration from my husband, and continuing to do things out of the kindness of his heart, I would not have been motivated to do the things I have done. He continues to inspire me to do things everyday, and I would not be the person I am today without him.
1. I am worried about my commas and semi-colon usage. When I listed the things he volunteers for, did I need to use a comma or a semicolon when I said "a few of his favorites are"
2. "He said if the hurricane were going to be as strong as they think it will be, he would have to leave right away to be there for the disaster recovery." Did I use the word were properly?
3. "There was severe damage mostly in the cities of Mobile, Alabama, Waveland, Biloxi/Gulfport, Mississippi, and New Orleans." Did I list the names correctly?
Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for your time.
There are always the people in our lives that can be the heroes in many ways, but my life’s hero will always be my mom. She influences my life since I born until now and also sacrifice a lot in her lifetime to make my life and my sibling’s lives better. She love us unconditionally, I have become the person I am today because of her. I adore her very much, not just because she is my mom, also such an amazing person with a gold heart, my best friend for life, an advisor, kind, respectful and strong person.
I am not her only children, I have a big sister and a little brother but I am my mom’s favorite children. My mom taught me how to be kind and loving but not to allow others to take my kindness for weakness, also to dream big and work hard to make those dreams a reality. Her life inspires me with confidence and great motivation on the road to success. Most of my mother’s life is full of misfortunes and unexpected troubles. She lost her parents when she was 5 years old and has been raised with her aunt, she went through a lot I her childhood.
However, the way that she faces with them resiliently and strongly makes her really become a hero of my life. I found that I am her favorite kid, when I was 5 old years, I begged her to take me to my Godmother, then she said; “No, I don’t have time to take you there”. I didn’t like her answer at all, and the next day I went to school, it was Friday but I didn’t come back home. I told my Godmother’s sister, who was 15 old years that my mom told me to go with you after class and to spend the weekend to your house.
She could not think twice and she said, “No problem, I will take you with me after class then”. She took me with her and when our maid came to take me home after class, she could not find me. She went back home crying because she was scary and called my mom’s office to let her know what happened. My mom could not imagine that her daughter missing and she started crying and saying how she can’t live without me and took a day off right away and called for help from family members, friends and neighbors but nobody could find me, because my godmother never cross her mind that time.
The worse part of her daughter been missing, my dad was out of country for job mission. The next day, my uncle announced me through the radio and my godmother that moment she was listening to a radio and found out that I lied to her sister and she took me back to my house. Seeing my mom crying was a pain for me, I cried deeply and apologized. She smiled at me and told me, I forgive you but do not do that again. She has a kindly heart to tolerate my mistakes, and she gives me endless love but asks for nothing in return.
When I won the lottery (The green card)to come in United of states, I told my sister that I don’t want to leave my country because I don’t see myself living far from where my mom live. My sister told her, but I did not know that she did. That day I went to my friend’s house party and my mom came to pick me up. When mom was driving home, she saw me look incredibly down; I couldn’t imagine leaving everybody and everything, to me that was difficulty solution to make.
She smiled at me and she said, “Tomorrow depends on what you are doing today” I pretended to be fine, and I said: I am ok, and she said: “It is a good opportunity for you, stop thinking a lot about leaving us. Everything is going to be alright. I promise! Once you get there just focus on school more than anything else and stay mom’s favorite daughter” she encouraged me to be strong and to let God guide you. ” That was amazing advices I got from her and when I feel down, her strength and power inspire me to overcome difficulties. I have promise myself to become a strong successful person as my mother wish.